The missionary position

The missionary position is near the top of the ten most favorite positions of all couples. It's a position in which the man can feel dominant, and the woman may feel submissive, which is often a fulfilling arrangement for both partners. Whether this reflects some deep instinct or simply represents men's desire to get on top of women isn't really important - it's a great position, which allows full body contact and eye gazing between the two partners. The intimacy of sex is greatly enhanced with such connections, and since it also allows for deep penetration when the woman brings her legs backwards towards her head, it can feel like a very deep connection in all ways, physically and emotionally.

The problem for women may be a lack of stimulation to the clitoris, so that she does not come during sex. For a man, the deep penetration and large hip thrusts which the missionary position allows may induce a rapid orgasm, so it's not a good position for premature ejaculators!

(Advice on premature ejaculation can be found here.)

The missionary position described

The woman lies on her back with her legs apart - or in some variants of the position - closed. The man lies on top of her, supporting himself with his hands, elbows and knees. He can gently maneuver his penis between her labia and into her vagina. He can gives deep thrusts or more shallow ones, and the woman can move her hips as she desires to vary the depth of penetration.

The coital alignment technique (CAT)

The CAT is a variant of the basic missionary which permits more stimulation of the woman's clitoris. After the man has entered his partner, he shifts further up her body, so that the base of his penis makes contact with her clitoris. The woman may find that it helps to stimulate her clitoris if she wraps her legs around her man, placing her feet on his calves. If she tilts her pelvis upwards while they are in this position, her clitoris is more likely to make contact with the base of his penis and be stimulated during intercourse.

According to sex researcher Edward Eichel, "The subtle, coordinated rocking movement can begin. Here's the most important part: As she pushes up on the top of his shaft, he resists with less force than she pushes. Now, on the way back down, as he pushes down against her clitoris, she resists with less force than he pushes. The result is a series of "small collisions," rather than the standard friction of thrusting. But collisions is a strong word. The movement is subtle, coordinated, gentle, rhythmic, slow-building. Like everything in life, it takes practice. This is more than a position; it's a coordinated movement, Eichel explains. "We are now talking about vibration, not friction. Less in and out and more rock 'n' roll." "The man is actually shallow when the woman is getting the most stimulation on the downward push," Eichel says.

Woman lifts her legs

Obviously the missionary was the original "lie back and think of your duty" position. But those days - hopefully - have gone, and women can be much more assertive during sex. The woman's main influence over the sensations for both partners in the missionary position results from her ability to move her legs into various postures which change the tightness and angle of her vagina and thereby the depth of penetration for both of the couple.

Woman's legs locked around the man

As the woman lifts her legs upwards, the man will be able to penetrate more deeply. The ultimate penetration is achieved when she lifts her legs over his back or up on his shoulders, though not all women will be flexible enough to do this. Such deep penetration can induce a quick orgasm in a man: there's something about the depth of penetration, the holding of his partner down (so it feels like cannot get away from him), and the ability to thrust which seem to stimulate men to come very quickly. This is not, therefore, a good position for men who have premature ejaculation problem! Just as the feeling of holding his partner down can be very arousing for a man, so the feeling of her locking her legs around his back may be exciting for the man - presumably because he feels she wants him inside her, and he cannot get away until he has ejaculated in her - which of course has overtones of a man's deep, instinctual desire to impregnate his partner.

Woman's legs over man's shoulders

Men find this incredibly exciting - the exposure of her genitals, the apparent wantonness of it all - and it can be very rewarding for a guy just to have a hard fuck when he is really turned on, and of course, providing his partner is willing. But a woman may find his thrusting too hard in this position, and feel a little uncomfortable, so the guy needs to be respectful of her and ease off if she wishes him to do so. But it can be a very satisfying way to make love.

The man kneels for the missionary

In a kneeling sexual position, the man will kneel and the woman will lie back as normal. In this way, he can penetrate her, see his penis going in and out (always a real turn on for men), and pay attention to her clitoris. The man can pull the woman onto his penis by placing his hands on her thighs, and she can raise her legs in the most comfortable way - even up onto his shoulders if she wishes. The man can see his cock thrusting into and withdrawing from her vagina, which will excite him, and he can play with his partner's body and perhaps stimulate her anus. It's a good position for intimate connection, but somewhat of a strain for the woman if it goes on for too long. A pillow under her buttocks may help.

The woman keeps her legs closed

It's not essential to enjoy missionary position sex with the woman's legs open: when she closes them, there is a whole range of new sensations to be enjoyed. When a woman has a loose vagina, this can be a good way of getting some tightness back into sex. This will improve the sensations for both the man and the woman. Indeed, some couples prefer to do it this way all the time: this position also forces the man to enter from a sharper angle towards the clitoris, which again adds more stimulation for the woman. The man in this position may also close his legs, placing all his weight on his partner. Careful here, some women appreciate this feeling, others do not!